OBSESSED WITH OBSESSED

Celebrity Doppelganger Addition

INTERVENTION - 9:00 PM

Lorna was one supa fly ass jive mutha - dancing for Soul Train and the Ike and Tina Turner Revue, and later landed an amazing job at A&M records. But Lorna traded everything - her career, her family, her love uh da boogie – all for her drug addiction to crack cocaine. Which would make her officially the only person in the music industry to become addicted to drugs. Ever. Whatever happens, I am hoping for the following exchange;

Lorna: Cut me some slack, Jack! My mama no raise no dummies. 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!

Candy Finnegan: Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help! Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow!

What We Can Expect During the Intervention;
- Screaming
- Wild Arm Flailing
- At least one Don Cornelius reference
- Inexplicable déjà vu of the time I accidentally watched an episode of Being Bobby Brown

We We Should Not Expect During the Intervention;
- Little else.

Guess which one is an aging starlet that threw her career away to nurture her crack addiction, and which one is not Whitney Houston.

OBSESSED – 10PM

Everyone knows that it is an empirically proven scientific fact that an apple a day will keep the doctor away. Proven. Fact. However, what someone neglected to inform Margaret was that the apple must be ingested along other things – namely…meals. Margaret is so afraid of food contamination, that she will go two, three, or even four days without eating anything but one single apple. Upon eating aforementioned apple, she must brush her teeth, wash her face, clean the tub, and take a shower. For her, these rituals are so exhausting that she rather forgo eating altogether. For me, this sounds like only half the things I do on a daily post-defecation basis.

Expected Exposure Therapy;
Forcing Margaret through the All-You-Can-Eat Buffett at a Sizzlers – where every plate of shrimp comes with a free side of E. coli.

Show me one person who has ever gotten food contamination from eating an apple.