TWINNER

This weekend I made a startling realization.

My twin brother Matt came down for the weekend – just for shits and giggles basically. Usually when he visits, he stops in for lunch and peaces out before night fall, but this time he spent the night. We had a few beers and then went out to some bars on the Corner. And good times were had by all.

My realization came later in the night. We’re at Orbitz, and I turn my back on Matt for about 3 minutes. I look back, and he’s no where to be found. When I find him, he’s standing at the bar with a couple dudes in tuxedos, and they’re all buying him rounds of tequila shots. It’s at this point that I realized – my twin brother is much cooler than myself.

It’s always been something I’ve suspected in the back of my mind. In high school, we did our own thing. He was big on the football team. I played the flugle horn in the marching band. He would go out and get drunk. I would stay in and play the Sims. My mom worried that he was doing drugs. She worried that I was a “chronic masturbator” The list could go on…but I’m sure you get the point.

It’s not that I don’t think that I’m cool. I’m cool! Right? I mean, I have a cell phone, and at parties I make sure to call people from it so everyone knows I have friends elsewhere. If that’s not cool, I don’t know what is.

But the fact of the matter is, my brother is cooler than me. Sure he might have an occasional girl slam a bathroom door in his face, but at the end of the night, I have to give him props. He is one friendly dude, and I am not.