Wednesday, April 12, 2006

PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE - SADimPStACi4ML.


Oh, hello friend. I didn’t see you come in. Well, since you’re here, I would like to introduce you to a new segment in my blog. I call it PEOPLE I DON’T LIKE. And I think that pretty much says it all. So without further ado,

This week’s PEOPLE I DON’T LIKE:Scruffy Asian Dude in my Plap Seminar that Always Comes in 40 Minutes Late
(or SADimPStACi4ML for short).

So, SADimPStACi4ML, I have to tell you something. It’s a little secret. I hate you. I’ve hated you since the first day of class. And fuck, you were on time that day.

Why do I hate you, you may be wondering. I’ll tell you why. It’s not just because you’re scruffy. It’s not just because you’re always at least 40 minutes late to class every week. I’ll admit – those don’t help. But the REAL reason…the real reason that I hate you…is the fact that you’re an arrogant S.O.B who never shuts his mouth (despite being scruffy, and always at least 40 minutes late to class).

Why is it that every time you raise your hand to talk in class you have to mention a combination of the follow?

1- How many AP classes you took in high school. That was like 5 years ago dude. Get over yourself. Isn’t there a statute of limitation for these sorts of things?
2- How you’re going to a top law school next year. Who the hell announces that to a class…just like that? At least tell me WHICH top law school you’re going to so I know which basketball team to root against from now until the end of eternity.
3- How stupid the American public is…at least compared to you. I GET IT ALREADY! People are stupid, at least compared to you. Stop saying it. But you know something. As stupid as they are, at least they’re not scruffy or at least 40 minutes late everywhere they go.

And honestly, SADimPStACi4ML, I don’t want to harp on this 40 minutes late to every class thing, but I mean seriously. What the hell is that about? What the hell are you doing before class that’s making you at least 40 minutes late to every class? You’re sure as hell not spending that time SHAVING. I mean, granted, it is a 2.5 hour seminar, but 40 minutes consistently every week? That’s ridiculous. And that one week you showed up 2 hours and 15 minutes late? WHAT THE FUCK!? Why even bother. You show up hours late, with your enormous bobble head…and that one eye that is clearly bigger than the other, and you sit down, usually next to me…pull out your fucking laptop, and raise your hand and repeat everything that everyone just said (except the comment about how many AP classes you took in high school. That’s all you).

What really irks the shit out of me is that no matter how late you are, you always roll up with a little Starbucks bag and a cup of coffee. Please PLEASE PLEASE don’t tell me that you’re running 40 minutes late, but decide that you have time to swing into Starbucks and grab a nice warm latte and a croissant. Choke me with a fucking spoon. You got to be fucking kidding me. Starbucks? 40 minutes late? I’m lost for words. LOST.

You know what SADimPStACi4ML. That’s all I got. You suck at life, and you probably always will. But if it’s any consolation…you got to be my very first….

PEOPLE I DON’T LIKE.

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